Recipes for disaster

We were sitting in a little cafe today, alongside the River Trent, when we overheard a potential customer  asking if  there were any savouries.  The answer "no, there might be some over the footbridge" seemed a bit bizarre to us, and its only after she left that it became apparent that the question had been misheard, and the owner had thought she asked if there was any sailing....
It set me and Col off giggling again as it was only last night we'd listened to the Radcliffe and Maconie show on the radio and laughed at the cafe and restaurant experiences of  the listeners, they included

Imagine the waitress in this scenario, with a really grumpy voice
Customer: Can I have a cheese salad sandwich please?
Waitress: No, we don't sell them
Customer: But you sell cheese sandwiches, and you sell ham salad sandwiches
Waitress; Yes,
Customer: Could you not put the cheese in with the salad?
Waitress: No  because that would make it a cheese salad sandwich, and we don't sell them

Customer: Is their an alternative to the soup for starters?
Waitress: Yes
Customer: What is it?
Waitress: Don't have it

This is wrong on so many levels
Customer: Do you have anything vegetarian?
Waitress, Yes, fish
Customer: Fish isn't vegetarian
Waitress: Yes it is, you cant make fish into a pie, so of course its vegetarian.

British Customer service, at its eccentric best, eh? 
Jackie